are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
