she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
