Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
