I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
