dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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