at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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