my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
