??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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