margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
