Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
