Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
