Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
