Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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