Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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