She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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