I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
