Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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