from now on my penis is your penis
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
