No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
