Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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