And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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