girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
