he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i've created a new STD.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
