Your tits are I can't wait for
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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