I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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