Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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