Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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