Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
