i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize