My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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