I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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