apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sext me about skeletons
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
