Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
