you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
