He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
