new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
