can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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