Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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