If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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