brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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