if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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