All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
