I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
