I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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