They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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