you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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