He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
