GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
