I just saw a hot homeless man
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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