Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
