I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
