I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
