If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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