she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize