Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
