At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
