We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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