I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
