but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
