I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
