the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
