i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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