Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
