So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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