Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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