I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
