You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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