We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
