the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
