the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
