I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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