I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
