Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
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Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
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Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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