I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
