Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
