and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
