Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
