Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
