I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize